"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open. "
We encounter different people everyday in our lives, some of which we until now keep in close contact with, others not necessarily.
I have lived for so long focused on keeping the friends I have made close to me and only now have I realised that I shouldn’t have to try so hard.
Shouldn’t the friends you make be there to understand that you are human and with that comes mistakes and faults and imperfections?
Shouldn’t they be able to put aside their happiness for the better of the friendship just like you do?
Shouldn’t it be a mutual understanding, a fight from both sides, something that is not forced or thought about but simply just is?
I’m tired of having to keep thinking I am “losing” friends, when the truth is i’m finally weeding out the the people who are not needed in my life from the ones who are.
I miss you.
I don’t know why we all hang on to something we know we’re better off letting go.
It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t even really have.
Some of us say we’d rather have that something than absolutely nothing.
But the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.
But I want to be the reason that smile appears on your face.
I want to be the one you look for as soon as you enter a room.
I want to be the first thing you think about when you wake up and the person you want beside you when you go to sleep.
I want to help you through the worst part of life and be there to document the best parts.
Giving a piece of yourself to someone will always be one of the biggest risks us as human beings take.
To allow yourself to be incomplete for the hope that the person you are trusting whole heartedly will remain by your side forever.
When is it ever wrong to love someone?
Why is it that when someone comes along that makes you happy there are always “buts” and “ifs” preventing you from simply enjoying the company.
I just want to be able to laugh with someone, be with someone, enjoy another persons company without thinking in the back of my head about all the consequences that would follow.
I’m tired of having to put my happiness on hold for the sake of someone else.
I’m over having to pull myself back in order to keep everything normal, when all i’ve ever wanted was extraordinary.
I just want to be happy, in whatever way it happens, and i’m happy around you.
I’m just over having to explain myself to people who shouldn’t even be asking these kinds of questions.
"I just hope that one day—preferably when we’re both blind drunk—we can talk about it. "
どんなこともしてあげれたら いつかはさ 見つけれたらいいのにね。
My chest is never good at saying the things I want to say the most,
I hope I can find the words, someday, so that I can give them to you. "
I understand now.
Why bad things happen to good people.
Why people who once meant the world to you leave your side.
Why love sometimes is lost.
Why friendships fade.
Why people grow apart.
For moments like this, where everything falls into place and every bad thing that built up over the years just fades away.
For the smiles that appear even after you thought you would never be able to again.
For the friends that stay, and show you that no matter what circumstance or tragedy or problem that life throws your way they will be there for you.
For the people who love you and aren’t afraid to show it everyday even when you don’t deserve it.
You have to lose people, to make space for the ones who stay.
You have to hurt, to give new love a chance to heal you.
and you have to cry, for the laughter to mean that much more.
You held onto me like you never had before.
Like the world was crashing down around you and you were trying to hold onto anything that felt like home.
I’ve been thinking for a while that what ever it is we were or are was something that was mutual.
But with the way you looked through me last night, like you didn’t even know me.
I started wondering if I really even knew you as well.
Did I just conjure up these emotions in my head to give reason behind the secret looks passed between us in the dark?
Was every whisper, every laugh, every word escaped from our brushing lips just a routine?
I have been asked constantly for the meaning behind every chance I give, and my mind was always brought back to you.
But i was wrong.
I’m sorry I gave up.
I just wasn’t sure if there was anything there worth keeping anymore.
You have this hold on me that no one seems to understand.
You walk around like the world is yours, with no idea that it could all crumble within your rough hands in seconds.
Expressionless face hiding the emotions ready to burst from the inside out.
I see you.
I see all of you.
I see the longing for someone to love you when the rest of the world couldn’t care less.
But I can’t be the girl you call for anymore.
Your voice echoes in my head in the silence of the night and i won’t let it.
I can’t be that girl anymore.
That girl who defends you to every untrue word that leaves the mouths of people who do not know you.
That girl who stands by your side when the whole world has turned their back to you.
That girl who picks up the broken pieces left by people who wanted what you offered but not who you were.
That girl who smiles at you from across the room signalling that everything will be okay.
I won’t be that girl anymore, because you don’t appreciate me being that girl.
I want honesty, I want laughter and jokes and purity beneath the words you whisper into my ear.
You used to give me that, until you got so sucked in by the attention from people who don’t know you like I do.
Until you looked at me like you didn’t even care anymore.
So im not going to care too.
You wanted to be an asshole, well you accomplished that.