Hold it in.
Take a breathe.
Don’t look up.
Let your insecurity fade.
Everyday is a constant battle between the person I think I am and the Woman I want to be.
With empty hands and a full heart every breath feels so heavy on my chest.
So I laugh to mask the pain building from my toes working its way through my veins taking over every emotion that used to be real but what now seems so fake.
Words spill through my mouth like vomit and theres no way of taking some of them back.
Holding on to every bit of love the world gives me in fear that one day there will be no one who even mutters those 4 letters around me.
Constant reminders of all the mistakes I have made through out my life surround me, suffocating me and trapping me between the walls building higher and higher unforgiving to any form of sympathy.
Self loathing chatter screams at my ears every time a glimpse of myself comes into view.
Holding on to the idea of happiness.
Holding on so tight.
I’ve been feeling like a shadow lately, following in the footsteps of someone who I do not know but have been with my whole life. I don’t recognise the girl I see in the mirror. I don’t know whats right or wrong, what is and what isn’t. I’m stuck in a hole trying to dig myself out with tools made from my imagination. I am slowly weakening inside, trying to find strength in everyone I meet.
I just want to lay in bed for hours, not listening to anyone talk or seeing familiar faces.
I just want to be alone.
First day of work for 2014 on the first day of the year.
Let’s do this right.
if i stay in bed i’ll be warm
if i get in the shower i’ll also be warm
but the distance between the bed and the shower
that is not warm
That frustrating feeling when you want so much to talk to someone but have no words to say. So instead you just sort of sit there staring at them, hoping that somehow they’ll find the right words to say to make you feel like there isn’t a black hole eating you up from the inside. I just, i don’t know what I want and I keep looking for what i’m missing in someone else which always ends up being the death of me cause I don’t even know what i’m looking for.
:l i want it backkk. Too bad my school is completely against red hair lol. or anything not brown black or blonde for that matter.
Well hello there sunshine, care to brighten up my day?
really really reallllly miss my red hair.
- Internships are the building blocks of your résumé. Apply to them. Meet people.
- Choose a degree that is relevant to the real world. Minor in History if you love it so much.
- Everyone knows how to use Microsoft Office. Putting it under the “Skills” section of your résumé is not impressive.
- See the world. This is the only time you have in your life to spend months in a foreign country. Take advantage of your lack of responsibility to travel.
- 99.9% of employers will never look at your transcript. A 4.0 GPA will not land you a job. Good interpersonal skills might.
- No employer cares whether you were on the executive board of your fraternity or sorority or other campus organization. Serve the organization because you love it, not simply to use it as space-filler on your résumé.
- Proofread everything. Twice. Or else no one will believe that you’re “detial-oriented.”
- You have four (or five) years to make something of yourself. Use that time wisely.
- Go out with your friends on a Tuesday night despite having a test on Wednesday. The test won’t matter in ten years, but your friendships will.
- Do not expect the college senior to fall in love with you after you sleep together. Actually, just don’t sleep together. This will not end well.
- Really get to know your professors. Use office hours to your advantage. You never know what doors they can open for you.
- Graduate school is rarely a good idea, especially if you’re only using it to delay the real world for a few years. The more money you make now, the less debt you’ll have later.
- Realize that you will be in debt until you’re forty. Make peace with this early.
- One bad grade won’t ruin your life. Get over yourself.
- Beware of credit cards. No matter what they say, money isn’t free.
- Don’t burn bridges. You never know when you might need help from someone.
- Eat good food. Nothing will make you feel worse than six straight nights of Ramen.
- Buy a plunger before you actually need said plunger. Just trust me on this one.
- Press save. It will keep you from having that 4:00am mental breakdown.
- All-nighters will not help you learn the material. Budget time throughout the day to study so that you can actually sleep before the final exam.
- Use a condom. No one wants that “I’m late” text.
- Work during the summers. Employers want someone with real-life experience.
- Call your mom once a week. She wants to stay involved in your life, and a twenty-minute phone conversation won’t kill you.
- You have four years to learn your alcohol limit. This will save you from puking at the office Christmas party.
- The college cafeteria will make you fat. So will alcohol. Be careful about what you’re putting into your body.
- Find a few hours each week to work out. Cardio is great stress relief.
- So is sex. Booty calls are sometimes necessary. Don’t beat yourself up for it in the morning.
- Learn to cook. Eating out is expensive and unhealthy. A few basics can last you a long time.
- Take pictures. Not everything has to be posted to Instagram, but you will want to have these memories documented.
- Volunteer. Not because you have to, but because you want to. The Humane Society always needs people to play with the animals.
- Learn how to budget. Your parents won’t be around to give you money forever.
- Buy shower shoes. Use them. Save yourself from foot fungus.
- Beer is expensive. Buy vodka.
- Interviews are nerve-wracking. Practice with a friend before you go.
- Find good references. They can be the difference between being offered your dream job and being turned down.
- It’s okay to turn down your first job offer to wait for a better one. Have faith in yourself.
- If you’re treated like a slave at your internship, it’s okay to leave. Find a company that sees your worth.
- Learn how to code HTML. This is an invaluable skill.
- Also learn Photoshop. Every company in the world needs someone who can design a poster.
- Take a couple classes just for fun. There’s a difference between smart and educated.
- Know your priorities. Stick to them.
- Start searching for a job a year before you graduate. It takes time to find something you want.
- Apply for jobs you may not be completely qualified for. You may be the only applicant.
- Don’t get too discouraged when you fail at something. Lay in bed for two days. Cry. Then get back up and start living again.
- Everyone has something to teach you. Listen to them.
- Make mistakes, but be sure to learn from them.
- Textbooks are expensive and you will never need them again. Rent, don’t buy.
- No one will ever care how wasted you were last night. They saw it first hand. Shut up.
- No one is responsible for you except you. Think twice before you do something.
- Don’t think that these have to be the best four years of your life. Life after graduation is pretty awesome too.
A glimpse of what i’m sending my boyfriend over the mail :)
i dont even remember how exactly i did this.. woops xD